Monday, February 25, 2008

Coming to DVD this week Beowulf, 30 Days of Night, Awake.

There are a few new releases coming to dvd this week, some of them are awesome blockbusters, and some of them were crap.

First on the chopping block we have the film AWAKE, where a millionaire investor befriends a surgeon following a heart attack at a young age and needs a heart transplant. The real feeling behind this story at first is a love story between Clay (Hayden Christianson) and Sam (Jessica Alba), and then materializes into a plot to kill clay during his heart transplant, in order to obtain his estate. It was hard to figure out how they, the killers, would obtain the right to the estate, but it comes together later in the story. The twists and turns in this film were exciting to watch, however, I felt half of this film was predictable. I will not be talking of the ending since it was interesting to follow the outer-body-experience-mystery-solving Clay around on his journey through his memories to piece the puzzle together. Comparable to other films Jessica Alba has been in recently, this one covered the suspense/drama category. I mean, she was in Good Luck Chuck(comedy), the fantastic 4(action/nerdcore), and most recently to theaters, The Eye (drama).

Next we have the CGI breakthrough, Beowulf. If you didn't see it in theatres, I'd recommend watching this one on an HDTV. The story follows the epic hero Beowulf, slayer of evil, fighter of that which troubles the night. You will forget at points, but not the whole time, that this film is animated. It was still amazing to see how far we have come since the CGI TV series Reboot went off the air. He and his merrymaking men take on the evil demon Grendel in a small kingdom that Grendel terrorizes whenever they townspeople enjoy themselves. A very very very graphic scene ensues during Grendel's visit to this townhall, where the kingdoms population drops dramatically. Beowulf shows up and demands that he fight the demon, and immediately proceeds to get naked and wait for Grendel. The object placement in this scene is hilarious and led me to laugh very loudly each and every time something would cover Beowulf's manly manhood. The film goes on to pursue the downfall of "the hero" and the rise of a new "christ god". To sum the rest of the film up would only give you the same feeling I had when this film ended. "Wow that was quick." I think a few more epic skirmishes between Beowulf and some sort of demon-spawn would have satisfied my craving for awesome.

Lastly in my selection for films coming to DVD this week, I have chosen the film 30 Days Of Night. The sci-fi vampire action thriller that gradually slows down to a sci-fi vampire comedy. The story takes place in an Alaskan town before the sun sets for 30 days and leaves the town in darkness. Many of the townspeople leave for a month and head to where the sunlight will come and go. Left to watch this town are a handful of stragglers led by the small police department in town. Almost immediately, some guy shows up and starts trouble, and then we get our first glimpse of the amazing shadowy powers that these vampires have. they are quick, silent, and very deadly. An investigation begins led by the hometown hero Sherrif Eben (Josh Hartnett) to find out who is killing the sleddogs and a mill worker. Lots of eery shadows and undertones let your imagination run rampant, and then the actual sight of the vampires leads you to believe that anyone and everyone in town has a whole heap o trouble coming. This is where it gets and inkling of a crappy smell, when the vampires no longer lurk in the shadows, but instead run across roof tops. Vampires, running on roof tops. Really? Ok well as long as they are still capable of lurking in the shadows and bringing swift death right? Wrong. They climb down from the roof tops and set up a trap to capture anyone lucky enough to wander into the street. They would then proceed to start punching and kicking the individual until they are unconscious and then have a blood sucking frenzy. Kicking and Punching Jackie Chan style. Really? Ok, well maybe getting shot would kill them, but as it turns out, they cant die from that. Awesome, we are back on the train again! Some small skirmishes around town take place with some beheadings and explosions, and the human numbers dwindle down to a few. And drastic actions must be taken, drastic like calling the lead vampire out old west style and having a fist fight that gets no where quick. The ending of the film was a little lacking and seemed to rely solely on some CGI gore effects and a sunrise. I'm not going to say the story was predictable, it was a good one, but the vampires went from having supernatural abilites to having to wait in line at a bank to open a savings account. That was most disappointing.

Overall, Hollywood has given us some gold and some bags-of-crap. And for all of us to make due with what we have, these three choices would probably be your best bets this week.

Monday, February 18, 2008

What Makes Great TV, Great?

Well according to the announcer who reads the voice overs, it could be any of many things. American Idol season 8, surprisingly enough, still manages to find the futile remnants of talent in third world high school gymnasiums across the US. I still find it amazing that the clip show and harsh editing of all of these shows to portray every participant to be most sophisticated in nature, and yet oh so aurally challenged when it comes to show time. The news media grabs it up every time, and most certainly, big record labels are looking for the next William Hung to hang out to dry with the rest of the Rueben Stoddard's.
But need not worry if this type of reality series is beyond your grasp, flip on over to the CW Philly and be sure to catch "Girlicious" presented by the pussycat dolls. Now I have seen some great television programming moments, mainly I try to speak of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge on SpikeTV, but when it comes to gratuitous amounts of 18 - 20 somethings frolicking around in their under-oo's, and I guess singing, well my friends, this I say is the epitome of family entertainment. The challenge counts down through elimination of all these girls to narrow it down to the new pussy cat doll inspired girl group "Girlicious" hosted oh so gleefully by our most trustworthy of knowledgeable hosts Mark Mcgrath. Hey Mark, good to see you back, thought your stint over there on Extra was most sensible in this oh so crazy world. But once again, lead singer of Sugar Ray, dater of Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, and Paris Hilton, you have made another bold move and went with a show that will encourage you, as an artist, to grow and enlighten the world. The first episode also had guest appearances by Lil Kim, Nelly Furtado, and some lady who has claimed to work with the real pussycat dolls. Her face looks like a brick of cement with wax lips on it, but that is beside the point. Great TV is what we are shooting for here.
If all else fails, MTV, please don't let me down. I really feel like that previous sentence would be almost equal to saying, "Hey JFK, try not to get laid alright?" Well MTV is throwing Tila Tequila back in the mix. Apparently, "Settling down" as the basis for a TV show to end all shows, was really the settling into a prime time spot of our favorite myspace golden bicycle. Everyone has taken a ride, and MTV has just passed it on to their little brother MTV2. You know, the one that still will play a music video here and there, but you should really watch mtv3 for that one.
You know what, just play it safe and click your free on demand button if you have Comcast cable and watch anything Mel Brooks, or the Zucker Brothers have ever made or participated in. You will come away with "loosely" the same morals as these horrible last dying breathes of "breakthrough" reality tv has left to gasp. I mean hell, it worked in blazing saddles, didn't it? And I just wanted to let you know, Good luck we are all counting on you.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Pirates Of The Caribbean Online

Free to play? Sure it is. You just have to float around on the crappiest boat with the crappiest weapons for the hardest adventures ever.

It was pretty fun I must admit, until I started attempting the "Quests" of which start with a "find jack sparrow" and then end with a "upgrade"

That was pretty awful. After the end of the first island you pretty much end up just having to try and avoid any ship that isnt the same class as yours, else you will just be blown up in a fiery death, or, as moments ago, I learned that the "ghost ships" happen to have "ghost cannons thats shot cannon balls of instant, "start over"

I'm glad I caught that just in time, I was actually considering the 4.95 for 30 days cost just so I could get a bigger ship and a crew and have some fun. But with second life beckoning on the horizon behind me, why not just dress like a pirate for free?

Sorry Disney, your servers are very very lagy, your game is very very buggy, (had to uninstall and re-install 3 times till I could captain a boat anywhere.), and I do believe that I have wasted a night off trying to level up to level 5 so I could get a double barreled gun, to not be able to use anywhere to "keep to the code." To quote your movie, and/or to paraphrase, the code isnt a written in stone set off rules, but more a lose set of guidelines. And if you dont mind, I'd like to shoot someone who isnt a cadet guarding a city sprawling with pirates and undead zombies.

If you dont quite follow what I Am talking about, download the free version of this game, and give it a shot for about an hour. The television commercials make it much much more appealing.

I'm going to go enjoy my girlfriend now, since, even though she installed it and we were on the same "crew", two level 2 "Swashbucklers" on a crappy row boat are no match for a computer war galleon brimming with flaming cannon balls. Although it was hilarious to fire back at it.