Monday, March 10, 2008

Weapon of Mass Destruction found in Iraq. Norris has arrived.

Bob Hope is an icon, but Chuck Norris is a Legendary Icon. Troops in Iraq have been welcoming Mr. Norris into their bases and have experienced numerous photo opportunities with this legendary master of death-dispersion.
One could suppose that the USO could spend it's money on something more morally pleasing such as the international cisco video phone set-ups so troops can see families, but it would seem that the idolizing of Mr. Norris in the freedom loving military bases has caused for a much better approach. The USO has sent Chuck Norris to visit many more times than any other actor or celebrity to Iraq bases. How many times? Time doesn't exist to Chuck Norris, he decides when your day is over. The real answer is several times. My research can't find a solid answer. I tried to email Chuck, but all I got back was a fist in my face and a swift femur breaking drop kick to my lower extremities.
I suppose his legendary status is only caressed into a shiny chrome statue with each pun I make, but the comical stress relief it brings is the reason he is so amazingly important to our troops. Numerous shrines have been constructed all across military bases resembling that of an out of control mystery religion of olden days. I think it was Peter Griffin who said, in regards to the house of worship of Arthur Fonzerelli, "Let us thrust our thumbs out and say "AYYYYYYYY."
Hopefully Chuck's numerous visits to the troops will raise morale to extraordinary levels. Perhaps to levels well beyond anything ever seen. Perhaps to a level where any joy will be exponentially calculated to the power of Norris. Lest we all remember that Chuck Norris does not sleep. He Waits.